ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS: A HORRIBLE THING.
FORGIVING: A ONE PERSON ISSUE.
RESTORING: A HORRIBLE, LONG-TERM PROCESS, AND A TWO PERSONS ISSUE.
For several years now, I have decided to ask for forgiveness in public (if the offense was public) or in private from the people I have harmed (if I have not yet done so with you, wait your turn - there are many of them-)
The truth is that a few months ago it was the turn of a former student to whom I taught classes at Inces. I tried to do it as conscious of my sin as possible. I tried to do it only when I was sure that I had offended her and sure that what I had done was horrible. I realized that if I do not do it this way, I am only asking for forgiveness "in a fake way" either to look good with people or to silence my conscience.
It was super horrendous because it's been like 15 years since that or maybe more and this girl, Danelkis, made me remember in detail how I had made her feel and the trauma I caused in her that lasted for years. I thought she was being too harsh with me, but I understood that if I really expected her forgiveness I had to let her release all her pain.
I realized that sometimes we see people release the pain they have inside because of something that was done to them and we think that they are resentful people who do not forgive. In my case I realized that it is the right thing to do, you cannot forgive someone without releasing everything that what they did to you meant to you.
I went to the Bible and I saw Jesus reminding the people of Israel, again and again, of the sin of their ancestors, the super sermon that the apostle Peter made. What was it about? Reminding them again and again of the sin that they and their ancestors had committed!
This is not resentment, if you are going to repent, if you are going to ask for forgiveness, you have to be sure of the damage you caused, otherwise it is not real repentance (that is why the way we preach the gospel now is so incorrect, -but that is material for another day-)
And yes, forgiveness is for only one person, I can decide to forgive and that's it, but if you have to ask for forgiveness do not call someone resentful for telling them how they made you feel.
And if the idea is to RESTORE THE RELATIONSHIP it is even more difficult. A pastor said: "Forgiveness is for one, restoring the relationship is for Two"
Since I returned to my city I have talked to my father a couple of times and each time I have made him understand (and I intend to continue doing so, and if he does not want, he should not come to me anymore) all the bad things he has done. Mother! For years I had nightmares about him hurting me EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE until I wrote a book, when I wrote the book, the nightmares ended.
I am 45 years old, more than 30 years having nightmares every day, in the 9 years that I was away it was worse because I scared people, because in the middle of the nightmares I would yell at him.
Obviously, knowing that I have also hurt people has made me not be rustic with my father, but it is necessary that we understand that if we have hurt someone, if we really want to be forgiven, we cannot expect to ask for forgiveness and the person to tell us "Oh yes, it's good that you recognized him, have a kiss"! Only the one who was hurt knows the pain he feels.
That former student was horribly hurt for years, I had to let her release all the pain she had inside if she wanted to be truly forgiven.
My father gave me nightmares for 30 years, he can't expect to have a relationship with me without me telling him how I feel and how miserable he's made my life for so many years. (While he touched people and they were healed and on Sundays he did ministrations and touched people and gave them the "chiripiorca", I have to say this because everyone believes that the sign that someone is spiritually well is that they touch people and they are healed or that they touch people and they get the chiripiorca or fall to the floor for hours)
Sometimes we believe that because someone is a Christian, they don't have emotions or things hurt them, yes we have to forgive 70 times 7, but Jesus even said to the prostitute "little hand you have had a few and the one you have is not yours", to the other he said "go and sin no more" To both of them Jesus reminded them of what they had done.
It bothers me that many Christians have the phrase: "We all make mistakes" as their letter that frees them from all accusation. Yes, we all make mistakes, but that phrase doesn't take away the pain we cause people. The next phrase is "love endures all things" gosh!!! When we hurt others, we have Bible verses. There are several verses that tell us that we have to make amends when we hurt others, but we don't know any of those verses, CURIOUSLY!
I still need to ask forgiveness from a few and forgive many others, apart from some who continue to make my life miserable every day, that's harder, because someone who hurt you one day, ok because the passage of time helps a little, but when it's every day... it's harder, but I trust in God's grace.
In any case, the message is: Even God, in order to restore the relationship with his people, reminded them of the sin of their parents. Don't call someone "resentful" when they tell you how you made them feel when you hurt them.
And remember, for you it may have been nothing, because you were the one who did the damage, but you can't expect that person to give it the same importance that you give it. If you really want to be forgiven with sincerity, take the heat. And if you want to restore the relationship, don't wait for two days, three days, or a month.
There are men IN THE WORLD, NOT IN THE CHURCH, who cheat on their wives and want everything to be the same. Please!!!
And that's how it is for everything. Forgiveness can be a second, but restoring a relationship is a whole process. And don't call someone you hurt and who can't have a relationship with you like before after two days, a lack of love or a lack of forgiveness or a lack of Christ.
Kisses, I am Profe Bubba
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